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I NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE FEEDBACK FOR THESE PARAGRAPHS RIGHT NOW! I AM GIVING BRAINLIEST

Directions: Read and analyze the 4 paragraphs from our classes' Personal Narrative assignment.
In a Google Doc or Slides analyze EACH paragraph by identifying the errors and providing specific feedback on how to improve each one. The paragraph must have a triumph.
*You are NOT allowed to inquire about the author of the paragraphs. This will result in you losing points off YOUR grade.*

PARAGRAPHS:
1. A time l got a great Victory was in Florida, I was playing football
games with my team and I. We needed to make it to the
championship so we played our first 3 games and won those games.
So when we advanced to the championship it wasnt really easy. We
went to overtime and they played their drive. They didn't score most
likely because their touchdown kept getting called back. Then when
we played our drive we scored ended up winning the rings.

2. A time l got a great Victory was in Florida, I was playing football
games with my team and I. We needed to make it to the
championship so we played our first 3 games and won those games.
So when we advanced to the championship it wasnt really easy. We
went to overtime and they played their drive. They didnt score most
likely because their touchdown kept getting called back. Then when
we played our drive we scored ended up winning the rings.

3.When I was younger, about 3 or 4 years old. My parents had a car accident with my moms old red van. We had been going to a store to get some clothes in Greenbelt, and on the Beltway. Someone that my mom knew crashed into us. None of us were severely hurt, but the next day we had to go to the hospital for a check-up. I ended up being in a cast for about 1 week and a half, as doctors said that I broke my arm. I was still able to do things with that arm, just couldn’t do as much as I usually would. For example, I could feed myself and others, but couldn’t do some at-home exercises like pushups.

4.My challenge that led to a triumph was when my family came
to stay at my house for a couple hours and I could not think
of a challenge that led to a triumph until they left I realized
that they were a distraction and I could not figure out how to
complete this assignment then I realized that one challenge
that led to triumph was when I got a bad grade and I figured
it was my focus and I changed spaces to do class in my
house I am more productive I get my stuff done and I feel
more relaxed and excited for the next day.And that's my
personal narrative.

IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK ON ALL OF THESE BY MIDNIGHT, IT WOULD BE GREAT! I NEED FEEDBACK ON THESE AS MY ASSIGNMENT. I AM GIVING BRAINLIEST!

Respuesta :

CourtneyJo0410

Answer:

1. I suggest ending the "A time l got a great Victory was in Florida" Ending the sentence and starting a new one. Any number below ten should be written out. (Three not 3) Comma after so. And add apostrophe. (So, when we advanced to the championship it wasn't really easy.) Last sentence needs to be redefined. Does not make sense to say "we scored ended"?

2.  Add spaces. (Obviously) How do you quietly storm out of a room? The adjectives do not make sense. He started to own? I suggest finding a better word.

3. Again, anything under ten needs to be written out. Confused by what this sentence means, "We had been going to a store to get some clothes in Greenbelt, and on the Beltway." Instead of 1 week and a half say a week and a half. I suggest saying the arm I broke, instead of that arm. Very good otherwise!!

4. I suggest cutting out everything that said you could not think of a triumph. It just confused the reader. The punctuation is also bad. Add more commas and get rid of the run-on sentences.

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